Blessed Assurance

*NOTE: This will be the last time I say I’m sorry for not posting in such a long time. I mean, I live life, you know? And I constantly think of things that I want to tell you, but I just don’t set aside the time to actually do it. Oh well. I’m sorry. For the last time. (Basically, this means that I still might not post for a solid month, but I just don’t want to keep addressing the fact that I go so long without posting, so I’m avoiding the subject altogether from now on, and not actually admitting to the fact that I feel bad about it.) There. Done.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been a wreck. I’ve avoided calling mom and dad when I can, because I know that I’ll cry. I’ve avoided having any ‘future’ conversations with anyone because I know that I’ll cry. I’ve only watched television shows that are nulling to the brain, because I know that if I watch anything with substance, I’ll cry.

Let me start by saying that this is not new to me. A couple of years ago, I took some pretty strong medication for my acne that was prone to giving me symptoms of depression, and I definitely exhibited those symptoms! I specifically remember my parents and grandmother coming to Auburn for my 21^st birthday. I told them that I really just wanted to grill out and stay at home, so that’s what we did, and mom even made a diet cake (really good!!)! But when we sat down to eat, and bowed our heads for dad to pray, I started crying. The tears came, and I was powerless against them.

It’s unfair though, for me to blame the medication though for all the tears that came in those six months. Prior to that, I took part in a relationship that was not of the Lord. The details aren’t important, as my sins were against the Lord, and I had only Him to apologize to. Thankfully, six months before the relationship even began (which was in February of 2008), I agreed to go on a mission trip to South Africa in June of that same year. When the time came for the trip, I wasn’t where I needed to be in my relationship with the Lord, but I decided to go anyway, and see what kind of lemonade, if any, my Father could make out of his lemon of a daughter. During that time, I had two and a half weeks of nothing but time with the Lord, and His children. The people on the trip with me loved me through things they didn’t even know they were loving me through, and the children we were there to help blessed me more than I could have ever imagined blessing them. I made peace with the Lord, and allowed Him to lead me in the paths of correcting my mistakes, and making amends of my life.

I know what you’re thinking…”What about that boy?”

I broke up with him on one extreeeeemely long-distance phone call from Cape Town, South Africa to a small town in Alabama. I didn’t want to do it, and knew that I was breaking his heart, but there was no other way around it. I had to trust the Lord that His will for my life was all I needed. If I couldn’t go through with it, then how could have assurance in the Lord? I couldn’t trust Him in some areas and not in others. It took about a year and a half for me to accept that the Lord had totally and completely forgiven me, and that my transgressions weren’t to come between our intimate Father-daughter relationship anymore.

Back to present day. This past Sunday, Kevin Derryberry, a gifted worship leader, led the morning worship service at my home church here in Auburn, Lakeview Baptist Church. Honestly, I didn’t want to stay for ‘big church’ because I thought it would mainly be a concert, instead of the standard ‘preaching’. But I stayed, and sat with my friend Sarah. Kevin did a great job, and talked a lot about prayer. His parents prayed for him to come back to the Lord from his ungodly lifestyle for 20 years before he actually did it. The power of prayer was real in his life. And I realized that at one time, the power of prayer had been real in my life, as part of my own journey to redemption in the Lord. I didn’t reach out though, and seek prayer from others during that time, and I feel as though my journey may have been met with less obstacles had I been a little less prideful, and sought out prayer warriors on my behalf.

With that said, I’m seeking prayer warriors now! Satan has tried so hard to pull me down lately using the power of the ‘unknown.’ I’m constantly worried about where I’ll be in a year. Another school somewhere? Still in Auburn? I worry about whether or not I’ll find somebody to spend the rest of my life with. I know I’m independent, but I long for the Godly man the Lord has for me. I worry about my job. Is the work I’m turning in really up to their standards? Will I ever finish this thesis?!?(haha) I worry about my relationships. Have I upset someone? Am I keeping everyone happy? Have I spent equal time with everyone?

In my heart, I know that those things don’t matter, that I have the Blessed Assurance of the Lord, and that in the end, Jesus is mine, and nothing else matters. But in my head, Satan returns daily, pulling me down off my mountain.

So pray for me!! Please!! And in return, I would love nothing more than to pray for you! You don’t have to post anything here if you don’t want to, but ALWAYS feel free to e-mail me at amm7958264@gmail.com. And don’t worry, I don’t need your confessions, as those are between you and the Lord. I just want the chance to be a part of your coming closer to the Lord by being able to pray for you!

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!


Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!


Heir of salvation, purchase of God,


Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

This is my story, this is my song,


Praising my Savior all the day long;


This is my story, this is my song,


Praising my Savior all the day long.